my mother pressured me to wear hijab when I was 11 (because I got my period) and I couldn't speak my mind directly at that time yet I kept pushing the day of wearing it to a further date, till the first day of middle school in which she said I don't have any other options. I used to be the only hijabi of the classroom (except for the doublants that were older than the rest and had a more adult style with lots of makeup and tight jeans, when I weren't allowed pants or nail polish ofc) so I used to feel like the black sheep throughout middle school, and was convinced my crush back then would never be interested in me and everyone else too because of the hijab. I am glad I met two amazing girls who loved me for who I am ♡ but one of them, my mother used to find very beautiful and once she told the teacher in front of me that she doesn't like it when I stay too long outside with that friend because she is so beautiful ' w hadek ch3ar 3liha allah Allah ' I recall the teacher directly feeling bad for me and saying that I am beautiful too without saying anything about my mom's stupid worries. I am writing this because today as I was telling mom that she I beautiful (because she always says how her sisters are more beautiful than her) she told me I am the only one who ses her beauty and then managed to mention that friend FROM MIDDLE SCHOOL ! it has been 12 years ! I know feel good about my looks, I just hate how I look with hijab, I try different styles I also wear the clothes I like but it's in my identity, I don't like being a hijabi. my parents of course threatened me if I remove it, and my mom is apathetic when I tell her what I went through, I want her to understand and I want to wake up in the morning without l'angoisse dans ma gorge because of having to wear it again.

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